Lord, I give my anger to You. The wisest choice at this time seems to be for me to drop my anger. Help me replace that emotion with one that pleases You. Amen.
How to Express Difficult Feelings (from http://www.drnadig.com/feelings.htm)Feelings and thoughts are different, but also are one and the same. They are like the head and tail of a coin. We react to events with both thoughts and feelings. Feelings are emotions, and sensations, and they are different from thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, and convictions. When difficult feelings are expressed, the sharp edges are dulled, and it is easier to release or let go of the bad feeling. If we only express our beliefs about the event and not the feelings, the bad feelings linger and are often harder to release.Whenever someone says, "I feel that..." the person is about to express a belief, not a feeling. Guidelines For Expressing Feelings
Techniques for Expressing FeelingsThe two following - I feel statements and I messages will help you:
When you first start using these techniques they will be cumbersome and awkward to apply, and not very useful if you only know them as techniques. However, if you practice these techniques and turn them into skills, it will be easy for you to express difficult feelings in a manner that is productive and respectful. Which of the two methods you use for expressing your feelings should depend on your goal, the importance or difficulty of your feelings and the situation.
I Feel Statements These statements take the form of "When you did that thing I felt this way.That thing is a behavior of the other person, and this way is your specific feelings. Here are some examples:
I Messages It is called an I message because the focus is on you, and the message is about yourself. This is in contrast to a You message which focuses on and gives a message about the other person. When using I messages you take responsibility for your own feelings, rather than accusing the other person of making you feel a certain way. A You message does not communicate a feeling, but a belief about the other person. The essence of an I message is "I have a problem", while the essence of a You message is "You have a problem". There are four parts to an I message:
The order in which you express these parts is usually not important. Here are some examples:
Common Mistakes
Practice these techniques and turn them into useful skills. Make it easy for yourself to spontaneously express difficult feelings in a manner that is productive and respectful. Anger Management (BOOK: Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way) Dr. Les Carter says, "Anger is closely tied to your sense of well-being as a person and closely tied to your feeling of worthiness. The less worthy you feel, the more likely you are to try to compensate for that by laying into someone, by blaming or accusing him or her, and that's where your inferiority feelings can show themselves as anger. We live in an angry society. From road rage to workplace incidents to marital bickering, out-of-control anger is all around us. How can we handle our anger and help those we love with theirs? How can we teach our children to deal with their anger? And what about those long-simmering feelings of anger toward people in our past? What's the difference between "bad" anger and "good"? Bestselling author and relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman offers helpful, and sometimes surprising, insights on why we get angry, what we can do about it, and how we can use anger for good. Managing Negative Emotions Here are few general guidelines for managing negative emotions. . First, identify the feeling. Next, ask if is a healthy feeling. Then list your options and chose the one which is most likely to lead to your long-term happiness. After asking these first two questions, the next step is to ask what would help you feel better. Try to focus on answers which are in your control, since it would be easy, but not too helpful, to think of things ways others could change so you would feel better. Another question is to ask how you want to feel. This helps you direct your thoughts in a positive direction. To summarize, here are some helpful questions:
Feelings Word List http://www.drnadig.com/feelings_list.htmPositive Feelings Intenseloved, adored, idolized, alive, wanted, lustful, worthy, pity, respected, empathy, awed, enthusiastic, zealous, courageous Strongenchanted, ardor, infatuated, tender, vibrant, independent, capable, happy , proud, gratified, worthy, sympathetic, important, concerned, appreciated, consoled, delighted, eager, optimistic, joyful, courage, hopeful, valiant, brave, brilliant Moderateliked, cared for, esteemed, affectionate, fond, excited, patient, strong, gay, inspired, anticipating, amused, yearning, popular, peaceful, appealing, determined, pleased, excited, jolly, relieved, glad, adventurous, peaceful, intelligent Mildfriendly, regarded, benevolent, wide awake, at-ease, relaxed, comfortable, content, keen, amazed, alert, sure, attractive, approved, untroubled, graceful, turned on, warm, amused, daring, comfortable, smart, interested Negative FeelingsMildunpopular, listless, moody, lethargic, gloomy, dismal, discontented, tired, indifferent, unsure, impatient, dependent, unimportant, regretful, bashful, puzzled, self-conscious, edgy, upset, reluctant, timid, mixed-up, sullen, provoked Moderatesuspicious, envious, enmity, aversion, dejected, unhappy, bored, forlorn, disappointed, wearied, inadequate, ineffectual, helpless, resigned, apathetic, shy, uncomfortable, baffled, confused, nervous, tempted, tense, worried, perplexed, troubled, disdainful, contemptuous, alarmed, annoyed, provoked Strongdisgusted, resentful, bitter, detested, fed-up, frustrated, sad, depressed, sick, dissatisfied, fatigued, worn-out, useless, weak, hopeless, forlorn, rejected, guilty, embarrassed, inhibited, bewildered, frightened, anxious, dismayed, apprehensive, disturbed, antagonistic, vengeful, indignant, mad, torn Intensehate, unloved, abhor, despised, angry, hurt, miserable, pain, lonely, cynical, worthless, impotent, futile, accursed, abandoned, estranged, degraded, humiliated, shocked, panicky, trapped, horrified, afraid, scared, terrified, threatened, infuriated, furious, exhausted
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作為一個人，都應該具備三個層面的修養，那就是身體的、心理的、精神的，通常稱之為身、心、靈的健康。可惜的是，一般人僅能注意到自己的身體是否健康無病，往往疏忽了心理是否平衡自在，連帶著也忘記了精神層面的修養。
因此，若處於平順的境遇中時，當然能夠揮灑自如，不會覺得有什麼不能克服的難題，如果遇到連番的逆境現前之際，就難免要唉聲嘆氣了。心靈環保的功能，便在於使我們養成一種得勝不驕傲、失意不喪志的習慣。
可是對於一般人而言，勝而不驕者已難，敗而不餒者更難。有了心靈環保的工夫，便是有了精神修養的基礎，因為世界上並沒有絕對和永遠的勝利者與失敗者，只要因緣改變，狀況立即改觀。
一時的成功並不等於永遠有保障，一時的失敗也不等於永遠的絕望。因此，如果大家都知道「以平等心看待」，便屬於心靈環保的層面。
佛教主張有因果觀念，通常的說法是「種瓜得瓜，種豆得豆」。實際上光是如此說，是有問題的，因為不種瓜當然不得瓜，不種豆當然不得豆。可是，如果種瓜種豆而不得其法、不得其時，又不得其適宜的土壤、水分、陽光、肥料等，那麼，種瓜種豆就不一定得瓜得豆了。
所以在佛法之中，除了因果定律，必須配上因緣定律。也就是說，凡事凡物一切現象的形成，從因到果的過程之中，尚有待以各種自然及人為因素的促成；其中主要的條件，稱為「因」，配合的條件，稱為「緣」。從最初的因，到最後的果，只是有其可能性，並沒有一定的必然性。以此可見，因果觀必須配合因緣論，才是正確的現象論。
正因為從因到果，並沒有一定的必然性，個人的因素固然極重要，外在的因素能否如個人所期待的那樣配合，也極重要；個人的自主因素，有時候也可能出現意外，外在因素的不確定性，則更難以掌控了。
因此，我們對於自己的命運，只能希望最好，卻無法保證最好；只能朝向最好去努力，卻也不得不做最壞的預防。否則，過分的樂觀，過分的悲觀，都是和因緣論的原則背道而馳，都不是成熟健康的心態。
http://www.shengyen.org/content/about/about_02_1a.aspx如何取得內心的安定呢？我們應該從「心靈環保」的角度出發，一方面保護我們的心不受環境污染，增強對環境的「免疫力」；一方面內心不要有嫉妒、忿怒、猜忌、自私等種種不好的心念，以免使得環境變得更糟糕；練習著時時覺察自己的起心動念，清楚知道自己的「需要」，化解個人欲望的「想要」。
——《法鼓山的方向》
心靈環保必須雙管齊下：1.淨化人心，少欲知足；2.淨化社會，關懷他人。少欲知足，便會珍惜天然資源，養成惜福的習慣，等於推動環保。關懷他人，便不會因為一己之利而造成整體環境的破壞。
——《聖嚴法師心靈環保》
我們如果能時時刻刻注意心裡的平靜，遇到任何不如意的時候，能夠回心轉意，設身處地為他人想一下，他人的錯誤可能是很有道理的，即使是沒有道理的道理，也是一個道理。如何解決問題，而不是在彼此之間增加更多的問題、更多的困擾，這就是心靈環保。
——《法鼓山的方向》
依據心靈環保的原則，每一個人，都應該具備三個層面的修養，那就是保持身體、心理、精神的平衡與平常，通稱為身、心、靈的健康。然而一般人僅在意自己的身體是否健康，卻忽略了心理是否健康，尤其會疏忽了保持平常心的精神修養。因此，在順境中能揮灑自如，似乎沒有不能克服的難題，一旦遇到逆境當前，便唉聲嘆氣，不知如何自處了。這必須要透過「心靈環保」的修為，才能做到「以平常心」來看待一切順境及逆境了。
——《人間世》
實踐心靈環保的方法有三種：
一、佛教的禪修念佛，能夠讓人心自然安定。
二、時時生起慚愧心，反省與悔過，就像儒家所說「吾日三省吾身」。其實一天反省三次還是不夠的，應該要時時刻刻知道自己的心在做什麼。
三、經常以感恩心，面對生活環境中的每一個人及每一件事，全心奉獻服務，目的是為了報恩。
用這三種方法落實心靈環保，就可以隨時隨地安定自己的身心，成長自己的人格，也能為社會大眾，帶來安定的力量。
——《平安的人間》
心靈環保其實很簡單，就是心理衛生、心理健康，如何使我們自己清靜、安定，進而影響、協助他人生活愉快，這就是心靈環保的目的。
——《法鼓山的方向》
